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songs against self

by bessarion

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1.
constancy 02:30
hung up a picture on my wall to cover up all the writing. seems i'm still uncomfortable, almost like apathy but more contrived in fear and self-deception. a new concern has caught your heart. only a constancy could fill the void with what you could call love. the rest of your life is not so long. the rest of your life is not so. it's terrible, this endless war, always looking for a contradiction. it's a miracle we're here at all. we live in a world with machines designed for coddling and annihilation. a new concern has caught your heart. only a constancy could fill the void with what you could call love. the rest of your life is not so long. the rest of your life is not so.
2.
she's a meter for testing your composure, will and ego. can you let it go? fear will cover your jaded heart. selfish lovers always care too much. you are not accountable for the sins of the world. you are just an honest man in the age of enlightenment. you will not die alone, even if you want. angels fly above, praying for your soul. it's too easy to think you're in control. selfish lovers think they rule the world. you are not accountable for the sins of the world. you are just an honest man in the age of enlightenment.
3.
deadbeat 03:18
endlessly mesmerized, i'm used to the isolation. helplessly hypnotized, i'm useless and infatuated. unincorporated, a bloodless genocide. displacement. a culture in decline and delusion. if you tell yourself there's nothing wrong, it's fine. passively atomized, replacement through ideation. innocence apologized; a golden gaslit generation.
4.
unsung 01:35
our future's been exploited. lost our purity so young. fed to eternal fire in excommunity unsung.
5.
feel my heartbeat pounding away when i see your picture on a tiny screen. i am nothing, honestly, but you might be something and that's more than i can take. you don't notice anything when you're floating around and i'm drowning in pain. i deal with emotion in similar ways - it's ok to be open, but i'm miles away. i'm here on the ground but i'm miles away.
6.
valentine 02:39
i am happy. i am happy to be sad. i've given up on trying to make you understand. i am sincere. i am sincerely full of crap. when the irony ceases to help me cope with that, all i make is noise trying to express my point of view. empty words reverberate on nothing in this world. i speak into the void curses to use against my soul, echos to the eschaton forever to be told. my, oh my, why can't i change my life, valentine? please don't leave my soul to weather, i can't see this getting better. (i'm a cancer on society. caustic instability, crass insensitivity. i'm a product of modernity)
7.
i go outside and i can't believe my eyes; living in the end times, it's worse every year. i go inside and the music rapes my mind; nowhere i can hide from entertainment. it's one big factory and i'm a product. half of my memories are two dimensional. it's all canned.. now i go outside and i look down, and i hear voices in my head echo notions i've renounced. it's one big factory and i'm a product. half of my memories are two dimensional. it's all canned...
8.
grandiosity 03:36
i must have been so caught up in nothing; i've seen the way ideas die, and things that come so easily to others are harder to achieve or even try. and everything declines, and everything is fine. i'm more ordinary than i realized; a disappointment to my vainglory. my grandiosity is in decline; i would like to be forgotten. all i'll be is a wrench in the machine.
9.
i'm so sick of seeing smut, it seems my whole generation sold its soul to feed its lust. i wanted a wife, all i found was sluts. an honest man has no more trust, no more hope in humanity. and all the time i've wasted, for my life to fall apart; working hard at nothing til i'm right back at the start. it's useless. i'm wrapped up in plastic and soon you'll see me in a box, no more stuff to fill this void. i'm fed up with distraction, my desecrated lover, i'm a stranger in my own home. and all the time i've wasted, for my life to fall apart; working hard at nothing til i'm right back at the start. it's useless.
10.

about

a collection of songs i wrote over the past year in anguish over things i can't control

credits

released October 10, 2020

bessie - vox, guitar, bass
nick - drums, bass, second vox

all songs written by bessarion
produced by nick leonard (nick-leonard.bandcamp.com) in the swamp studio
album art by basil keeran (marienhaus.bandcamp.com)

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about

bessarion Washington, D.C.

getting too old for this

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